Comfort

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. (2 Corinthians 1:3, 4 ESV)

I don't let people in, I sleep with one eye open, i don't trust words, I am suspicious of random kindness.  There is this constant distrust of people that exists inside me that only God knows the depths.  There is great loneliness inside because I struggle with letting people in, you might even say that I have made an art of keeping people out.  This leaves me closed off, struggling to understand how people feel, understand their needs, or how to comfort them.  Don't misunderstand, I want to help, I want to relate, I want to comfort them, but I don't know how.  When I think about this, I also realize that I don't know how to do these things for myself.  I would be in complete and utter dispare  if it were not for this, the comfort of God.  I am learning, I am healing, trusting, a little more with each day that goes by.  There is hope for me yet, and I assure you that if there is hope for me, there is hope for all.  I am hopeful that one day, I will be able to give comfort to someone in the manner in which the Father has given me comfort.  Then, I will know I understand...