I know I left the "worship" series and I need to tie it up...but God has other plans.
In many ways, I feel like I need to start by saying "I'm sorry", yet at the same time I feel I need to say "Glory be to God!"
Over the course of 3 days, I had 3 different groups/individuals (who do not know each other, but know me quite well) use the word "Cerebral" to describe my communication style. One chose to add the word "elequent" and another said "why didn't you just say that?" after I explained what I meant. This was quite stunning for me (that sole reason alone actually caused me to pause in posting the last few nights in contemplation). First and foremost, I want people to understand that I DON'T HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT, AMEN! I am not the devine conduit chosen by God to disseminate His message throughout the world (though if I were told to sell all that I have and do so, I would...yes it would be hard, but NOTHING is more important to me than God!!!).
The words I write are just that, words. To some they may be "Cerebral" or elequent, to some inspiring, to some offensive. My sole intent, is to share the word of Christ to all who will listen. In speaking to a close friend recently, I was encouraged to avoid metaphors, similies, & poetry to illustrate the points. All of these are useful literary items that I feel can help the reader to relate, yet I can also understand that it could cause others to stumble or struggle with what I am trying to say and that is not my intention.
Let me put it this way (this will not be elequent, but quite blunt, to the point, and bit raw...sorry). I am going to speak in the first person (using "I" instead of "they" or "them", etc.) to own this, so no one else feels that I am putting this upon them.
I believe that as believers, we do not need to hide behind hidden context. We do not need to pretend that things are "OK" when they are not! Truth is important! It's not simply "I'm struggling right now" as a prayer request, it's "I am angry all the time and I don't know why." or "I feel guilty about my wife's mental state", or "I really need help financially and don't know how to ask", or "I blame myself for everything that has gone wrong in my life", or "I've done so much wrong that I feel like God doesn't hear my prayers anymore". The most messeed up people in all of scripture is who God chose to use to glorify Himself. No matter the circumstance, God remains in control.
I will admit that I am "Cerebral", I overthink many things. I try and plan a scenaario and situation for everything. If we are playing chess, I'm trying to plan a minimum of 3 moves ahead. To many people, this could be considered a compliment. To me, it simply means that I need to learn to rely less on my brain and more upon God. While I'm out there confessing things, let me share one more. God has blessed me with many talents. That sounds like a great thing, yet I struggle with being grateful for it. The reason why...I can do many things "OK" or sometimes "better than average", but I'm not "super" at it. Yep, that's right, I'm a perfectionist and to not be able to execute things perfectly bothers me beyond any measure I can possibly put into words. I always want to improve, I always want to do better, yet somehow, someway, I am unable. I hear it echo in my head as if on repeat "to much whom is given, must is required". Sometimes, I feel like this has become mission impossible. Yet at the end of the day, I know that "I can do all things, through Christ who stregthens me". I do not now, nor will I ever have all of the answers, but I pray continuosly that God would use my life to glorify Himself. What an honor to serve the King of Kings. Amen!
P.S. I would love to have you share your own story about how God has used your weakness to glorify Himself. Thank you for reading and may God protect you, teach you, and give you grace. Amen!