Freedom

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”? But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. (James 4:5-8 ESV)

I never gave it much thought, it was just something I always struggled with.  The conflict that I felt within myself was real and it is real for everyone.  One might expect a diatribe about the sinful nature and overcoming it in 3 easy steps (a best seller to be sure!).  I instead would like to share some defining  experiences that I have been battling through these last several months.  

I am a perfectionist.  The very nature of this means an endless cycle of self criticism and frustration.  A "good" day and a "bad" day can hinge on perfect completion of tasks.  This mindset is dangerous for many reasons, but one I want to focus on is projecting this persona onto God.  When we think of God as a relentless task master, we are missing the mark, carelessly looking past love, mercy, and grace.  I found myself at a place where if I missed a blog entry for the day, I felt as if I had failed (sounds like pride, but I can tell you that this was not the case). I would beat myself up about it and the downward spiral began.  I was condemning myself for failing to meet my own expectations.  How foolish!  Once I realized what was happening, God really started to show me some amazing things about His love and grace.  The most amazing discovery was that I need to see myself how God sees me, not how I see me.  Specifically, I am loved by God and I am forgiven.  I need to extend grace to myself, forgive myself, because that is who I am in Christ.  

In Christ alone there is freedom!

More to come...